Loneliness in Homeschooling
2024 Mission Valley Gymnastics, Level 7
The Best Friend Dilemma
When my oldest was in second grade (public school), she was asked to be someone’s best friend. She knew I wasn’t a fan of that terminology, knowing how much heartbreak it could cause. After politely declining, she watched as the girl simply moved on to ask someone else.
Later, as “Twin Day” approached, my daughter was excited to match with someone—but came home in tears when the other girl “forgot.” That moment stuck with her, and with me.
A Difficult Start to Homeschooling
Our decision to homeschool had already been made, but that experience solidified her excitement to leave.
At first, the Lord provided a beautiful church community in our neighborhood that met the relational needs of both my children and myself as a new foster and homeschool mom.
We enjoyed a couple of blissful years—until it all unraveled. Within one year, she lost her five closest friends to moves. Living in San Diego, a transient city, meant friendships were often fleeting. Even worse, as new neighbors arrived, kids her age started disappearing indoors.
The Pain of Isolation
My sixth-grader cried herself to sleep many nights. For over a year, she had no friends. She wanted them. But burned by past disappointments, she hesitated to reach out.
Despite my efforts—running co-ops, signing her up for enrichment centers—I couldn’t manufacture the connection she craved. I worried constantly:
Would another Twin Day nightmare happen again?
Would she be invited to a sleepover?
Would anyone even come to her birthday party?
Clinging to Faith in Uncertainty
Through it all, I clung to faith. Without my Lord and Savior, I would’ve felt lost. But I struggled with how to comfort my daughter.
“The Lord provides… He knows you better than anyone… Maybe He’s teaching you something...”
True words, yes—but they landed softly on a deeply hurting heart. A friend eventually appeared through gymnastics, but when that friend switched sports, we were back where we started.
The Slow Work of Building Friendships
Now 13, she joined a new gymnastics team. It took a full year before she felt even remotely included. But she’s finally enjoying invitations again.
The best friend she longs for hasn’t shown up yet—but she’s learning the art of friendship:
“Next time, I’m going to introduce myself right away, get their contacts, offer to share snacks...”
She’s also learning to stand firm. She refuses to gossip or cheat—even when it costs her socially. And it has.
But now? Her teammates are noticing.
One said, “I want to do conditioning with you because you work hard.”
Another whispered, “Guess what? I did every exercise today!”
And when a teammate asked whether to exclude someone from a party, my daughter responded, “How would you feel if you were left out?”
That night, everyone was invited.
Holding On to Hope
After a year and a half, she still isn’t the girl everyone tags in memes or matches outfits with. But she’s respected. And she knows it.
And in three months, we move again.
When Homeschool Loneliness Runs Deep
Loneliness in homeschooling isn’t just about being home—it’s about the slow, painful process of finding where you belong, especially when the landscape is constantly shifting.
But my daughter has learned:
That kindness matters.
That character can stand the test of time.
That waiting can grow us.
And I pray this next season brings her the kindred spirit she’s longed for—or even deeper dependence on the One who never leaves.
Feeling the Weight of Loneliness in Your Homeschool Journey?
You’re not alone.
And you don’t have to navigate these hard seasons by yourself. Maybe just start by sharing your story or letting someone else into it.
The goal isn’t to fix everything overnight—it’s to walk with faith, hope, and the steady reminder that growth often happens in the waiting.
