This Conversation Changed How I Parent My Teen.

Turks & Caicos, June 2025

When my oldest was about twelve, we started butting heads. One day, after tears in her room, I went in to talk. She told me, “I just feel like you don’t listen when I try to explain myself. I just want time to explain things.”

That moment stopped me cold. She’d never needed to “explain” before—she used to just cue off me. But this was the shift. I had to learn to slow down, listen longer, and give her room to express herself before jumping in to solve or teach. It wasn’t about losing authority—it was about building respect.

Fast forward to age fifteen. We had just moved, she was starting a new school, and between the newness and the typical teenage fog, I thought she needed me to check in and manage the details. After a few gentle warnings (that I now realize I ignored), she asked me to come to her room again.

This time, she said—much more maturely—something like: “I want to do things myself and prove I can handle it.”

And she did. She crushed it.
I realized I’d been rescuing too much.

When they’re little, they need us to step in.
When they’re growing up, they need us to step back.

Sometimes love means trusting what you’ve already taught them.